Things are going good…Oh no!
It’s no surprise that (like everyone) my life has its ups and downs. For example, I spent the last two years draining money into my smile. I have a missing front tooth and had an implant done about 7 years ago–one that I was told would last me 20 years. Two years ago I found out that I had to have it removed because it was infected. I was devastated and in denial, but I had it removed and had a bone graft done at the same time. Before I could get my new implant, I had to wear a “flipper” tooth for a year, while the bone healed. This June, I finally got to get my new permanent crown! Holy excitement! While at the dentist, I had them look at a different tooth that had been bothering me and I found out that I needed a filling. This news was discouraging, but I rolled with it. I celebrated my new tooth and reluctantly scheduled my filling.
A few weeks later, during my appointment, I had a bad reaction to the epinephrine in the anesthesia. My heart began racing and my body started shaking–and not in a good way. Needless to say, I had to reschedule. The morning of my next appointment, I woke up in pain and was unable to move my head due to a pulled muscle in my neck. I considered canceling, but decided to go through with the filling. It was an awful experience. The girls at the dental office took pity on me because of my less than smooth oral experiences. Embarrassed, I assured them that overall my life is awesome even though my dental health has not been ideal. I’m such a minimizer.
After leaving the office, in my post-filling daze, I started thinking that maybe my life wasn’t that awesome. Maybe my luck was mostly bad. After all, I had been struggling with infertility, finding a job, and getting into grad school. I drove home, took some ibuprofen and crashed on the couch. This negative cycle lasted a few days.
Then I started feeling better. As the physical pain wore off, my mental health improved too. I remembered that I am married to a great man, and we own a house, and a car. I remembered that we both have jobs, in schools, and have next summer off together. I remembered all of the people that I love and that love me in return. I remembered that I’ve been able to travel the world and to go to college. I remembered that I am free and that I have hope. I found comfort in my new mindset, but not for long. I started to feel that my life was going too well! Why am I so blessed? Life is going SO smooth. Something bad is bound to happen soon, right? Surely my current bliss cannot last.
I think it’s human to dwell on the idea that life is tough–filled with plenty of days that challenge, torture, and generally beat us down. Life has been difficult in our past which causes us to live in fear and anxiety of the future, instead of in the moment. We hold on to the darkness even in the brightness of the sun.
I recently stumbled across this little zen story that really resonated with me. Please take a second to read it…It’s short.
One day while walking through the wilderness a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger. He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff. Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the fatal precipice.
As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine.
Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild strawberry. He plucked it and popped it in his mouth. It was incredibly delicious!
Regardless if you are in a time of darkness or a time of bliss, it will soon pass. Ecclesiastes chapter 3 reminds us that there is a “season for every activity under heaven,” aka, a change is a comin’ whether we anticipate it/think about it/dread it or not. Some of the lows are really intense, and the highs can be like fireworks or a slow burning candle. Don’t constantly hope for better or expect the worst, but know that no matter the season, we are never alone.
No one knows what’s around the corner so let’s just BE wherever we are right now–it’s perfect here.
XO, Tobi
I do this incessantly! Also, I feel your pain on the dental front. I was born without the permanent version of the tooth directly next to my two front teeth. Years of doctor visits ensued. Sometimes we need to learn to stop over thinking life and just go with it. although its’s MUCH easier said than done.
That’s the same tooth as me!! Haha! I know a few others that are missing the same one. I agree it’s easier said than done…It’s a constant practice. Thanks for the comment.
It’s so true that change is coming whether we like it or not! It’s just a matter of how you look at it and what you get out of it! I’m so happy for your permanent tooth. Too bad you had that experience with epi……when I was a brand new nurse I was showing a young lady how to inject her epi pen and accidentally injected myself right in front of her!!! It was so awesome! The look on her face was priceless! Needless to say, I felt the same way you did!
Dang! That sounds sort of dramatic! I think an epi pen would hurt so bad and I hated the feeling I got from the epi. It was like I didn’t have control of my body. Not cool
Dental pain is the worst! When I was born my body decided to put it’s efforts into other things than growing enamel on my teeth, so the little buggers wear down and crack. I’ve had more fillings and crowns than I care to admit but every time I go they tell me how well I take care of them and that there is nothing that I could do to prevent it. I smile every time knowing this isn’t my fault, it’s just a weird genetic thing.
I’m glad you’re in a better mindset now, we all have the ups and downs. I am one of those people who must understand the hows and whys of everything that’s happening in my life making me a little high strung, but I’m working on slowing myself down and taking it one day at a time.
That is a bummer about your teeth. Dental problems are not only torturous, but very expensive! I can relate with being “a little high strung,” lord have mercy
One day at a time is the only way to go.
Lovely post! I needed this today. Thank you for sharing.
I’m so happy to hear that this post came at the right time for you!!
What a great post, great perspective. Sometimes we need the rain to, get a perspective. It’s so easy to get stuck in that swirl and I love that you can *admit* to it..and how you turned it around! A friend of mine went through the same thing with her front tooth, I know what a long, excruciating process that is!
It was actually kind of hard to admit this stuff. I started this post a month ago, and even after finishing it last night, I was unsure of myself and feeling a little vulnerable about it. Then I thought, what the heck? we are all works in progress
I’m so glad that you enjoyed the post and thanks for the comment!
I think it’s these post where we connect the most authentically, when we know that those moments are not just ours. I am glad you finished, I believe it adds to the conversation and the right people will recognize the vulnerability and let you know that what you wrote is something they can relate to! Yes…we are all works in progress…I haven’t met a finished one of us yet!!
I wholeheartedly agree with Bonnie!
Me too
I totally agree, Bonnie. I think this is my first time that I’ve opened myself up and I spent a lot of time choosing my words, which has made me feel more vulnerable than usual. I love when ‘other’ bloggers are vulnerable! It’s a beautiful thing! Thanks for the encouragement; it really means a lot!
This post was the delicious strawberry in my day!
Oh yay! The strawberry is the key for sure
Thank you for sharing this, Tobi. I definitely can myself in a negative cycle every once in a while, but—just like you wrote—counting your blessings is the surest way out of those downwardly spiraling thoughts.
I also read a quote once that I like to remind myself of whenever I’m wallowing in a pity party: “If everyone in the world threw their problems into a big pile, you’d take yours right back.” If that isn’t the truest thing…
I LOVE that quote and I’ve never heard it before. Thanks for sharing it with me. It’s so true! Most of my problems are “white people problems.” Lol. (Have you seen that SNL skit?)
First off – your dental woes sound like my nightmare. I am terrified of the dentist and applaud you for your commitment to getting the work done in spite of rotten past experience.
That story of the man with the strawberry really resonates with me right now – so simple. I know plenty of people who might miss the point of it, but they’re probably the ones who need the message the most.
Here’s to living in the NOW and finding small beauty and joy. Thanks for the post
Oh no! I’ve probably made you even more scared of the dentist! For that I’m sorry. It’s definitely not always that bad…
I’m happy the story resonated with you. I thought it was so simple, but profound. Thanks for the sweet comment!
Beautifully written/spoken!! This is so true, thanks for the reminder.:}
You’re welcome! I’m glad you liked it
Excellent post, Tobi! There will undoubtedly be some times in our lives when we just feel negative (I call mine “dark days”), but we must always remind ourselves that they are temporary. Happiness is a choice and quite frankly, a much healthier option. I’m glad you decided to embrace the strawberry.
I think I’m going to get a tattoo that says “embrace the strawberry.” I love it
Happiness is always a better option but sometimes we have to wallow, to mourn, to have a dark day and then the happy days are that much brighter!!
I loved this post, Tobi. And I feel you on the infertility-we’re dealing with that right now too. We’re all done with testing, just waiting for the results on the last blood test for Den, and I’ve got a knowledge under my belt already on what can help your chances, so if you ever need to talk to someone or advice, just message me! And here’s to BEING right now–great point! It’s great here.
Oh I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling with infertility! It’s so hard. I haven’t had much testing or anything, but I’ve been off the pill for over two years…Well, and the rest, maybe we should message about
I’d hate to write a novel in my comments! xo
I think so many of us can relate to your story — we sail along in our comfortable bubbles until something happens that makes us question why we didn’t build a better bubble? It’s natural to have self-doubt and even harder to find something positive to think about.
I like your attitude, though, and while I can relate with my own Dental horror stories, your real lesson is in facing all that life throws at us and finding the grace to take stock of what’s working, what’s good, what’s left.
Beautiful post, Tobi, one of your best.
MJ
and that photo? So pretty it nearly made me cry!
Thanks for the sweet comment and the encouragement, MJ. I loved when you said, “your real lesson is in facing all that life throws at us and finding the grace to take stock of what’s working, what’s good, what’s left.” I couldn’t have said it better
Thanks for the reminder Tobi, I really enjoyed the Zen story. Even in the darkest moments, we shouldn’t refuse little enjoyments. I was sick and a bit depressed last weekend but then my fiancé dragged me out in the sun and I started enjoying myself- unintentionally. Unexpected moments of happiness can happen anytime
Sometimes it takes someone literally dragging you out of the house! I can totally relate to that. I think we really have to savor those little unexpected moments of happiness, because they can be fleeting.
Great post, Tobi! It’s a heck of a lot easier to throw ourselves a pity party than to look at the bright side. But you’re right– it’s human to feel down. And sometimes we just have to be okay with feeling less than okay. I’ve also noticed that physical discomfort is closely related to emotional angst. When I’m sick, I can feel so fatalistic, like “nothing’s ever going to be good again.” Ha! And then I just hobble my way outside into the sunshine. I’m sorry to hear about your tooth saga–that sounds so painful. But yay for a new tooth! Take care, rest up, and have a wonderful weekend!
I can totally relate to feeling like it’s the end of the world whenever I’m sick! It’s interesting how easily swayed we can be. I like that it’s human nature…and not just me
I hope your weekend is great as well, Rian!! xo
you really do have a lot going on, and some I can relate to. Thanks for being you.