Uncomfortable Encounters
I’m sure by now you’ve all experienced that awkward encounter while walking through Target, minding your own business, and you run into a Facebook “friend” but he/she is someone that you have never or barely interacted with in real life. You tried too avoid them, but you don’t want to be rude. This has happened to me more than once and it’s SO uncomfortable…
“Oh, heeeyyy (insert name if you can think of it). How are you? I saw on FB that you have a baby now! How’s that going?”
“Yeah, I have a baby. It’s good. I saw that you’ve been doing some traveling, and you’re married, right?”
“Yep, I’m married. It’s been fun.”
(Fidgeting, smiles and silence.)
“Well, I gotta run, but it was great seeing you!” (Sure it was.)
“You too, take care.” (Awkward.)
I am quite certain it is easier and more satisfying to have a conversation with a complete stranger! I have to wonder why we are even FB friends with random people/acquaintances of acquaintances/my mom’s third cousin’s youngest child/my ex-boyfriend’s grandmother/my middle school lab partner. Is it just a novelty? A popularity contest? An ego booster? A gossip generator? A way to feel connected? A validation? All of the above, maybe?
In my real life, I have less than 10 best friends, less than 10 good friends, maybe 10 family members that I’m close to, a load of acquaintances, and I’m grateful, yet I sometimes compare myself to people who have 1587 friends on FB and wonder why I only have 460. I’m happy, settled, mostly content, so why do I care about this silliness? Why do I feel like I need a giant cushion of Facebook friends? All good questions, but I’m not sure I have the answers.
In the mean time, I found these images on Pinterest. It seems this is a common issue. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic, or about the uncomfortable encounter you’ve had.
XO, Tobi
I think when Facebook first started it seemed like a way to “collect” as many people as you could, it almost looks like a popularity contest. The way I handle it is a way to interact with the people who I don’t get to see as often and keep track of my favorite restaurants and shops.
I think that sounds like a good balance. It sounds good in theory for me, but then I get carried away adding friends and excepting requests…
but it’s so hard “deleting people”! I feel mean.
I know! It is hard, I have gone through and purged once and it felt weird
I think you have to proactive and not just accept every single person’s friend request maybe???
Love this! It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment with FB friending – I also look a the number and can end up comparing myself with others who have more…much as I hate to admit that, but lately, I’ve been thinking about this so your post is perfectly timed, at least for me!
There are some on my FB list that I never see, never have a chat with and would probably never sit down to have lunch with. So, I wonder about why they are on there. There are some on my list that I think about each time I post and almost hope they don’t see what I am posting…and what that means for me is that on my own page,I end up self-editing my own comments. That’s just crazy! Shouldn’t our own FB page be a place to be ourselves and not a watered down version? Thanks for sharing and posing the question for us…it’s got me thinking. 
Thanks for being honest with me. I do the exact same things, and it is JUST CRAZY! That’s it! I’m taking back my FB page! Ha!
Because FB doesn’t have “acquaintance”, “I know your [mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc.” or “I just love to read your posts!” buttons.
Oh, we’ll I think of you as more of a new friend rather than a random person that I wouldn’t want to talk to in public! I’m glad you like my posts
I actually have a rule for myself re: Facebook. If I would avoid them in person, I’m not friends with them. Duh-lete! It’s mercenary, but oddly liberating.
I love it! I’m just not there yet
you know?!
I was very ruthless about a year ago and unfriended those who I didn’t know and reset my privacy settings, it got to be too much and I stopped playing so many of the games on there.
To be honest it’s a small world and I don’t always feel the need to reach out and touch and I don’t want to del with peoples nuttiness which did happen on FB.
I commend you! I am too chicken or too nice or something to follow through with the purging.
So true….the worst is when they know your name, and you don’t know theirs……kills me!!!!!
That totally happened to me two days ago! But I’m not even sure if we are FB friends….Awkward.
I used to accept all friend requests because I thought ‘who cares?’ if they want to be my ‘friend’, but after awhile I did start ignoring them because it got to be too much…now I rarely even log on to FB. The question I have: what’s worse, be defriended or having a friend request ignored?
Hmm, I think it’s worse being unfriended–unless it’s someone that you don’t care for to begin with. I was unfriended by my ex-boyfriend’s sisters. I felt like they friended me to see what I was up to and then unfriended me. It was weird and I kind of felt betrayed or something. On the other hand, one of my second cousins that I haven’t talked to in about 20 years won’t accept my friend request… Thanks for the comment, Dan
What a great blog! I love the entire concept of your blog- “hunting bliss.” I am glad I stumbled upon it
Looking forward to reading more posts.
xo,
Kristina
Thank you so much!! I am glad you’re here! Welcome
I am convinced Facebook is one big ridiculous popularity contest. I am waiting for them to come out with awards like “most likely to become famous” just like high school. Oh wait, they probably already do. I am guilty that I still participate in having a Facebook page, but I try to snap myself out of it when I get carried away.
I have a page too and no plans to delete it! It can be really addicting and life-sucking if you let it, I think. I try to not participate in the politics, popularity, whininess, etc, but it’s hard sometimes!!
Wow. Look at the feedback you got; obviously, this is a touchy subject. My take? I ONLY “friend” people I would be friends with otherwise, I never accept friend-requests I don’t know; and I only have slightly more than 100 friends. I take that as a badge of honor, actually, because almost all (not 100%) are people I truly like and would talk to. And if I’m ever in Bozeman or you’re ever in Helena, believe me, I will stop and talk to you, Tobi!!
I adore you Karen and of course I would enjoy running into you
I have gotten to know my husbands far flung family through facebook. However, I won’t accept friend requests from people I don’t really know or who I don’t really like. We went through our list months ago and took it from 157 friends to 80. I figured if I was never reading what they wrote or never looking at their pictures and they weren’t doing the same then obviously we weren’t really friends! If I wouldn’t want to spend time with them in real life then why pretend it on facebook?
I like your plan! I have also become friends with many of my husbands family through FB. That’s actually been fun!
I feel you, Tobi. I’ve started to look at my fb page as less of a personal space for friends and more of a networking tool. It’s difficult to have real interactions with people there (other than private messages, sharing photos, etc.). There are a lot of settings now that allow you to accept without having to see/interact with a person. You can remove people from your feed and only allow them to see public content. It seems kind of silly to have to pick and choose and edit our “friends” list, but I think we may need to reframe what social networking really is and what it’s becoming. It feels like a way to keep tabs on who you’ve met…a sort of advanced phone book. Maybe there will be a more intimate platform for real friends in the future?
I kind of feel that a personal blog is a good way to connect with like minded people and friend but it can also be very impersonal at times, depending on the post. I have been using FB more for networking as well. Lately I have been feeling that the best way to stay connected to people I love is to pick up the damn phone!! Can I get an ‘amen’?!
Amen!
I can’t stand running into Facebook friends in real life! Isn’t it just assumed that the only reason you accept all your old high-school classmates’ invites is because you want to look through their photos?
The pics above were hilarious by the way.
Right! What the heck? I just want to be a FB stalker not an actual friend!
I’m glad you appreciated the photos–I sure got a kick out of them.
I don’t do Facebook for preciously the reasons you describe here. I tried in the beginning, but it seemed too superficial. It think it would good for those people you really do what to connect with who live far away. An old childhood friend maybe. I kind of gave up on it. I enjoy blogging instead!
just one of the many reasons why i don’t “do” facebook. i love the eCard image….
well i applaud you for your good sense
i just can’t seem to resist. stupid facebook.
LOL